Valentine’s Day Musings

Hope Innelli is a hopeless romantic .  An editor by trade, focusing on movie and television tie-ins, celebrity-based works as well as style, advice and spirituality books,  she also enjoys producing theatre and independent films in her spare  time.

VALENTINE’S DAY MUSINGS

For a holiday that is all about love, Valentine’s Day has not always brought out the best in me or my otherwise tender and nurturing female friends.  There was the time  my roommate held a Valentine’s Day “exorcism”, where we were all invited to burn effigy or pictures of exes who had unduly spurned us.  After the bonfire, everyone laughed and drank a pain-relieving potion (equal parts vodka, anise and Cointreau, a splash of grenadine, and a hint of cream—delicious under any circumstances!)  Then, of course, we  said too much about the faults of the people our friends had truly once cared about to the point where our insults hurt our friends almost as much as their former lovers had.  Not a good way to spend the evening after all.

Today, I suppose  exes have different ways of exorcising past loves—ranging from the posting of ‘25 Things You Don’t Know About Me’ lists on the Facebook walls of their formers, to releasing nude photos and sex videos or worse.   But in a post-Obama world, I like to think that there just might be a few better alternatives for the lovelorn.  Maybe I’ve softened because I do have a loving hubby and a 9 year old son whose picture I hope never to be tossed into a fire by a genuinely heartbroken girl with revenge on her mind.

Here are a few ways to spend a holiday forced upon us by industry in more self-affirming ways.

MAKE IT AN EVENT:

·         Host a Valentine’s-themed party for your friends as a heartfelt thank you for their support. If you’re at a loss for the right playlist,  include any  song by the  name of I Believe in Love. (There’s the one from the musical Hair, another by Barlow Girl, and yet another by  The Dixie Chicks, among others!)

·         Pour yourself and your friends the same delicious concoction mentioned above but rename it “A Possibilities Potion’.  (Best when drunk by the pitcher-full!)

·         Encourage secret-cupid style gift-giving: have each attendee bring a small gift for one other person at the party that celebrates an aspect of their inner or outer beauty.  If John Gray is right in his new book Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice, the oxytocin produced by such compliments is sure to give everyone a special glow.

·         Share a fantasy derived from a book, a movie or perhaps a real-life relationship you  admire to help keep hope alive.  My favorite relationship, beyond the one growing deeper every day with my husband, is that of my parents who were married for 52 years before my mother’s passing.  In all those years together,  they fought like the best of them, but they still kissed and made up after every spat, had a date night once a week, bridged deep differences in their upbringing with common dreams for the future and delighted in simple things like holding hands wherever they went!

OR KEEP IT LOW-KEY:

Not quite feeling like opening up this much. . or being  sociable?   Then simply make a one-on-one ‘friend-date’ to pamper yourselves.  Have a relaxing latte while getting a mani-pedicure.  Get a make-over.  Or at the very least buy something vintage-y at a flea market (old things always have a romance to them) or shop in each other’s closet for something special to wear. (It will feel new even if it’s not!)

WATCH: One of my all-time favorite movies is a British film called Truly Madly Deeply.  Written and directed by  Anthony Minghella, the story invites us to think anew about the vow “till death do us part.”  The title derives from a word game the film’s two lovers play to describe their ever deepening affections for each other.  I defy anyone—male or female—not to fall in love with the star, Juliet Stevenson.  In addition to her acting prowess, we discover what an amazingly talented musician she is too.  This role, written specifically for her, is a love letter in and of itself.   Need I say more?!

READ: My favorite romantic book is a novella by D.H. Lawrence called The Man Who Died.  While many say that his Lady Chatterley’s Lover is his most sensual work, this one is by far his greatest tribute to women.  In this story, Jesus comes back to assess his life in a 40 day period between his death and rising  only to fall in love with Isis, a figure from Egyptian mythology known to have put the dismembered pieces of her lover Osiris’ body back together again.  With this metaphor of a woman helping to make man whole again, Lawrence is making quite a profound statement about the obvious omission of many of the world’s greatest religions to acknowledge the power of women and romantic love in our lives and our humanity!  This book rocked my world.

And lastly, I’d be remiss if I didn’t include at least one piece of advice for lovelorn men. (Yes, despite their false bravado, there are more of them out  there on Valentines Day than we think.) The truth is that I don’t know what to say to them and in that regard this post is sorely lacking. . .but I do know this:  I am trying to teach my son as much about love as I can, so he can figure out his own remedies as life leaves him alternately fulfilled and lonely as it is wont to do to men and women alike.   It doesn’t solve the dilemma for the moment but it might in the long run.   Maybe next year I’ll have more insight for us all. Till then, spend this Valentine’s Day doing something loving for yourself!