Give it to me in stones!

“Fat Actress” devotee Pam Cesarec shares her thoughts on Kirstie Alley’s latest show, debuting Sunday, March 21, 10/9 Central on A&E.

For the other ten people in the universe who continue to hold out hope that Showtime (or any network really) will pick up “Fat Actress” for a second season—well, it’s been five years. Suppose we should give up on that pipe dream, BUT there is a new Kirstie Alley show that also centers on her weight and it premieres this Sunday on A&E.

“Kirstie Alley’s Big Life” is a reality show that, unfortunately, feels a little too contrived. I’m speaking as a big Alley fan, but as a bigger “My Life on the D-list” fan, I gotta say these first two eps of “Big Life” can’t begin to compare to Kathy Griffin’s hilarious (and oftentimes surprisingly heartfelt) Emmy-winning show.  In terms of how “real” reality shows are, c’mon, it’s 2010–by now most of us know that most reality shows are  manipulated, but we get sucked in nonetheless, right? Alley’s voiceovers seem too rehearsed and sometimes when she’s interacting with the people in her life, it feels very scripted. But Instead of dwelling on the boring stuff– like how much weight Alley hopes to lose (80 lbs) or how she seems to have a genuinely nice and real relationship with her grown kids, let’s talk about the fun stuff. Like how whack this chick is. Her house is like a zoo, complete with a lemur cage the size of my first flat, filled to the brim with wild animals. (P.S. she sits in the cage holding the lemurs like a person would hold a human infant.) In other news,  she’s got a brand new assistant, Kyle, who’s known for his two day-long siestas (his word, not mine), and is probably the most entertaining supporting character thus far.

For those of you who watched “Fat Actress,” take note of the miniature doors in Kirstie’s house (I like to think it’s a reference to the episode “The Koi Effect” guest starring a perfectly-cast Wallace Shawn and Leah Remini) and the baby voices she uses with her pet lemurs—reminiscent of the way she spoke as an honorary little person hanging out in a plastic children’s house with a group of dwarfs (also in that episode). Timeless stuff! Overall, I still think Kirstie is wildly amusing and I’m happy to report that “Big Life” vastly improved between episodes one and two, so I think it’s got potential. I’d stick it out and see what kind of batty stuff she pulls this season. I’m definitely crossing my fingers for some wacky Scientology plotlines—- and maybe even a Rachael Harris cameo!

Photos courtesy of A&E. Credit: Brian Doben (Kirstie Alley) and Richard Knapp (Cast)