And the winner is …

Coffee!  For being the only thing that kept me awake during the 7-hour snooze-fest that was that 2010 Oscars.

The hosts, the ceremony, the presenters, the clothes … trite, trite, trite, trite. I’m never one to shy away from snark, so here goes:

Most of the dresses left me wondering if there was an open call for the Featherduster in the Broadway tour of Beauty and the Beast.

Zoe, you’re a lovely girl, but this dress.  We almost saw your goods as you were walking down the steps to present the award.

Zoe Saldana

Vera, I’d never heard of you until this year.  Congrats on being in a movie with Mr. Clooney.  You’re totally giving me Birth of Venus … I’m in shell-shock!

Vera Farmiga

Carey, I loved everything about you, even your 2004 dangly earrings.  Keep up the good work.  Also, who are you?

Carey Mullligan

Demi:  1) where was Ashton? 2) you look twenty-five 3) you look stunning! 4) You also sort of look the same color as your Versace dress.

one-tone

Cameron, I blacked out when you were presenting, or maybe you did … I’m not sure.  Either way your Oscar de la Renta dress was one of my favorites.

Cameron Diaz

Sandy B, I’m real proud of you.  I do think that your dress was dash too metallic.  You won an Oscar, but you don’t need to dress like one.

Sandra Bullock

Kate! Your YSL dress was possibly my favorite look of the evening.  I have no snark for you.

Kate Winslet

Not pictured, but should be: Jeff Bridges wife, Susan.  She was so lovely.  Who can still pull off turquoise?  SHE CAN!

OH!  I almost forgot, Zac, you are perfect.  You looked perfect. You make the world a better place.