Big shoes (and head) to fill

Ever since Simon Cowell announced his intention to put his American Idol days behind him after this season, there’s been endless speculation about his replacement.

The Daily Beast recently ran a slideshow handicapping the favorites–from Elton John (4:1) to the oft-mentioned Howard Stern (Million: 1). Based on the photo alone (above), I’m pulling for record producer Rick Rubin (70:1).

While the Daily Beast’s lineup was impressive, I’d love to see any of the following in the running as well.

Randy Newman: Sure Idol is more about singing and performing than the nuance of great songwriting, so Newman–an expert at the latter–may seem like a strange choice. Would contestants really want to take singing advice from a guy whose vocal stylings are more Dylan than Houston? But hear me out: this guy is a music business legend, respected as much by his peers as his fans. Even without the gift of golden pipes, he connects with audiences through expert phrasing and emotional depth. Plus, he’s an insightful satirist who could keep the mood on the judging panel light. With Simon and Paula both gone, Ellen’s going to have to shoulder a heavy load to keep the humor level up. Added bonus for the AI producers: Thanks to his hit songs from blockbuster kids movies like Toy Story and The Princess and the Frog, Newman will hit that ‘tween sweet spot that Idol craves.

Rosie O’Donnell: If you’re gonna go gay, go all the way. With lesbian rumors running rampant regarding that other, less important judicial vacancy (you know, Elena Kagan for SCOTUS), producers should let their progressive flag fly by doubling the number of lesbian judges on the Idol bench. Based on Rosie’s tumultuous stint on The View, she’d be a perfect rabble-rousing replacement for Simon. She’s one of the few celebrities who could match Mr. Cowell’s wit, honesty and brashness.

Gene Simmons: Let’s face it, despite the judges’ constant “it’s all about the singing” rhetoric, Idol is above all else, a spectacle. If it were a pure signing competition, they could broadcast the show on the radio and cut out the hours of ridiculous tone deaf whackos that populate the first month of the season. Who knows the point where spectacle meets musicality better than the KISS axe man? Word of warning to producers: keep a close eye on Gene backstage. If you think Paula’s “sex scandal” was bad, wait until The Demon gets his hands on next year’s crop of nubile contestants.