It might have been the 2 bottles of wine or approximately 8lbs of cheese that I consumed, but last night’s Tony Awards left me with a warm and fuzzy feeling all over. That feeling is still there this morning, so maybe it was actually the Tonys. It’s one of those I’m-so-proud-to-live-in-a-city-that-has-this-much-art-to-offer-even-though-I-can’t-afford-to-see-any-of-it feelings. The way I feel when I stand at Lincoln Center and am awestruck that in 100 feet in three directions is some of the world’s best opera, ballet and symphony. 100 feet in the the 4th direction is a homeless man peeing on a carriage horse. Yay New York!

But enough about homeless piss … the Tonys! I am very proud to say that I won my Tony Awards ballot, getting 22/26 of the awards correct. A complete list of the winners is on the American Theatre Wing’s website. Since you are no doubt curious, I’m going to tell you some of my favorite moments of the show.

My favorite performance was from The Book of Mormon, which won 9 awards, including Best Musical. This show is achingly funny and this number was amaze-balls (it’s a technical term).

And how darling was Daniel Radcliffe in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying?  Very. I have yet to see this production, but had heard from some he couldn’t sing it. False. Also, there are bespoken men dancing, which I’m really okay with. The folks at my Tony party stopped in their tracks when Ellen Harvey started singing (about 2:15 in the video). Love her and I’m very concerned about her ankles.

Another favorite moment was the “host-off” between Neil Patrick Harris and Hugh Jackman. It’s not in the video, but it started with Jackman calling NPH, “Neil Patrick Harrison.” Judging by NPH’s response, I don’t think this was planned. Anyway, their song was a delightful 4-minute double entendre.

The opening number was a hysterical homage to the current state of Broadway proclaiming that the theatre is, “not just for gays any more.” Neil Patrick Harris proves he’s king and the song includes some cameos from Stephen Colbert and Brooke Shields (who later recovered from her enormous blunder) among others. Note: limit yourself to one glass of wine before a performance, or maybe just don’t have six.

The one weak spot in the evening was the Spiderman performance. What a snoozer. They could have cured a disease for what this musical has cost its producers. Instead, it looks as if they’ve created one.

All in all, the Tony Awards broadcast did exactly what it’s supposed to do. It made me want to sell my body so that I can afford to see more theatre. Inquire below.

Thank You for Being A Friend is perhaps the only theme song from a TV show that I don’t fast-forward through while watching re-runs. And that is saying a lot considering that I watch at least one episode of The Golden Girls everyday. Seriously … every day.

Gold’s passing makes me miss the show – and the women – even more. What’s happened to a theme song? And, what’s happened to a nice well placed song in a TV show.  No one did it better than the girls.

Miami! Miami! -Don’t take your eyes off of Sophia. Ma’s got moves. Or just one really.

Who can forget Sophia and Dorothy as Sonny and Cher. This is how you win an Emmy, folks.

I still listen to this when I can’t sleep. Dorothy’s “booms” are epic.

The sky is falling! I’d move to Miami and direct children’s theatre if it were going to be like this.

This happens to be one of my favorite moments in television. It’s just beautiful. We miss you Bea Arthur.

Dorothy’s performance in the previous video inspires jealously in Blanche … and then this happened.

Last but not least is Andrew Gold’s work of genius.

James Spader

While casting myself is easy, I am no Elizabeth Taylor. She was successful, while alive, at preventing a movie being made of her life. When rumors that movies were being made of her life would pop up, she often said (most recently via her twitter account), “No one is going to play Elizabeth Taylor, but Elizabeth Taylor herself.”  Well, that was while she was still with us. Since her death on March 23, 2011 of congestive heart failure there have been talks of a possible biopic. It has been widely reported this week that the excellent biography Furious Love –which chronicles Taylor and her 5th and 6th husband, Richard Burton’s love affair– has been optioned for a film by Paramount Pictures as a future directing project for Martin Scorsese. 

While I want everyone to know about the life of Liz, the thought of a movie being made of her life makes me cringe a bit. Her life is easy to sensationalize – not that it wasn’t sensational. My fear would be that filmakers would choose to focus only the many marriages and the somewhat odd behavior in her last few decades rather that the work and life of a truly gifted actress, a tireless philanthropist and a caring mother. 

Casting the role of Elizabeth Taylor will be no small feat. I feel that the biggest mistake would be to choose someone solely based on looks. Elizabeth Taylor never acted sexy … she was, plain and simply, sex personified.  I’m reticent to offer suggestions, but here they are: 

1. Angelina Jolie. Jolie is already on deck to star in director David Fincher’s Cleopatra remake. And she knows a thing or two about scandal having been part of the break-up of a famous Hollywood marriage just as Elizabeth Taylor was with Eddie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds. 

Angie and Liz ... they both like horses.

2. If Lindsay Lohen had spent more time acting and less time snorting, I think she’d be a fine choice. Both had (sadly past tense for both) a very natural acting style – Taylor never took lessons – and a Mean Girls era Lohen was effortlessly quite stunning. 

They both like jewels!

3. Megan Fox. I’m sort of proud to say that I’ve never seen her in anything. This casting decision would be based entirely on looks. I’m grimacing as I type this, so let’s move on. 

I can't abide by this.

4. Audra Honaker. You may not have heard of her, but she is one of Richmond, Virginia’s finest actresses, and a dear friend. And look at her. Clearly meant to play Taylor. 

Destined

5. Rachel McAdams. If she was going to give me Notebook quality acting, she just might be able to pull it off. 

Rachel McAdams

The film cannot, of course, be made without someone to play Richard Burton. Burton was a larger-than-life persona without his marriage to Taylor, but it is their marriage, nonetheless, that catapulted him to international stardom. Burton’s looks are rugged and terribly masculine. For every ounce of sexuality that Taylor exuded, Burton was dripping with just as much virility. With a charmingly pockmarked face and rogue Welsh accent, finding a suitable Richard may prove just as difficult as finding the right Elizabeth Taylor. 

1. Colin Farrell should be at the top of the list. His Irish accent will likely be able to fool most moviegoers as being a Welsh one, and I think he’s an equal match for Burton in passion. He’s certainly as popular with the opposite sex. More importantly perhaps, Colin and Elizabeth were friends. So close in fact, that he read at her funeral. 

Colin Farrell

2. Gerard Butler. While I’m not sure he has the pedigree to pull of Burton, Butler does have his ruggedness. And an accent, not the right accent mind you (he’s Scottish), but an accent nonetheless. The first movie that I saw Butler in was The Ugly Truth; I left the theater thinking he was brilliant, but later realized that the perceived brilliance was only because he was acting opposite Katherine Heigl. 

Gerard Butler

(at this point I feel like I’m just naming males who have been in movies. Dudley Moore!  David Schwimmer! Bruce Lee! Rosie O’Donnell!) 

3. Russell Crowe isn’t the worst option. He’s got an accent, though, still not the right one. Perhaps they can reuse his Gladiator costumes for the Cleopatra scenes. 

Russell Crowe from Gladiator

4. Daniel Craig would have no problem capturing some of Burton’s machismo, though I don’t know if he’d be able to manage his more romantic side. I think Bond would have met his match with Liz Taylor. 

Daniel Craig

Everyone will no doubt be waiting to see where these projects end up, and who ends up stepping into the shoes of Taylor and Burton–who lived the century’s grandest love affair. In parting, I dedicate this song to “Liz and Dick.”

Adele!

Hi! I’ve not contributed to YourItList since approximately 1964, but I’m back! Get excited.

- Celine Dion – she is amazing after all.

- Justin Timberlake – now that he’s an “actor” I don’t guess this is likely to happen.

- Dolly Parton – it’s coming on June 28^th! Before the apocalypse(s)!

- En Vogue – but I’m probably Never Gonna Get It.

- Charlene – without her, I’d have never been to me.

And since it seems that I’m writing about music, I have to tell you … not that you asked … that I’m getting quite tired of this “Lady Gaga is trying to be Madonna” thing. It’s getting old and I have other things to think about … like the Tony Awards or what I’m supposed to watch until 30 Rock and Modern Family come back. Anyway, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it; probably too much time. If you like Lady Gaga, listen to Lady Gaga. If you like Madonna, listen to Madonna. If you like them both, well, then you have good taste and you should carry on.

Gaga vs. Madonna

I don’t understand the people who have the desire (or the time for that matter) to point out things such as that in her Beautiful Stanger video, Madonna drove along side Austin Powers and that Lady Gaga is seated next to Beyonce in the Telephone video in a similar fashion. Have you seen Lady Gaga’s tour schedule? She’s basically in 4 cities on different continents every day and performs concerts for needy pigeons on the side. Chances are good she’s not sitting around coming up with ways emulate to Madonna. When she adopts Kabbalah and starts dating a hot Brazilian model (anyone else miss the Jesus Luz days?) then we can talk.

Gratuitous Jesus picture

The first movie I saw, Lovely, Still, stars Ellen Burstyn, who in my opinion is one of the most underrated American actresses. Did you see The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood? Come on. Lovely, Still also stars Martin Landau who I swore was Walter Matthau. Turns out he’s not.  Elizabeth Banks who is best know for her Overshoppe.com (see below) commercials and who I have a total sister crush on, plays Burstyn’s daughter. WAIT! … can you imagine if Ellen was my mother and Elizabeth was my sister? I’d die. Dead.

I was drawn to this tiny indie film 1) because it was on New York Magazine’s approval matrix in good company with my friend Rachel Shukert’s Everything is Going To Be Great and 2) the trailer to Lovely, Still had me skipping down the halls of my office with delight. I love love.  #gay.

The actual product was a bit more disconcerting. I won’t spoil the barely believeable twist, but I was none too pleased. And, there are these odd dream sequences that would be been better placed in Contraception, that horrible movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio and that girl from Juno. Weird dreams aside the cast is really quite perfect and Ellen Burstyn in particular is lovely, still. (you see what I did there? … I worked the title of the movie into my critique of it. I believe that would be two entendres … you’re welcome.)

The next movie that I saw I’m going to go ahead and say was the best movie I’ve seen all year. Seriously.  I got a call from my friend Teddy yesterday asking me to see some movie called Catfish at midnight. On the Upper West Side. Midnight. I’m too old for that, kids. I fully expected to fall asleep.

You must go see Catfish. I’ll go with you. I was told by Teddy not to watch the trailer, so naturally I did. But when I started playing it I thought it was an ad for that Facebook movie, so I stopped watching. Turns out, that it actually was the trailer. I’m not selling it, I know.  It’s a documentary about a New York photographer who meets someone online through one of his photographs. I shouldn’t say anymore. It’s equal parts funny, touching and very surprisingly and successfully suspenseful. Please go. Then call me.  If you want to watch the trailer, it’s here.

Also, it stars this guy, who I am a little bit in love with. He may call me as well.

Yes, that's a retainer.

Read it

Dan Savage writes the sex column, “Savage Love,” that appears in newspapers across the country. It’s a wonderful forum on politics and relationships (a recurring joke throughout the show) but Savage is at his best in his two books that document the relationship between he and his partner lover boyfriend husband and their decision to adopt a child, their son D.J.

In the off-Broadway show Savage’s story (adapted for the stage by Michael Zam) is strong but the music (by Andy Monroe) falls so very flat. I don’t remember a single song from the show, and there were many. In fact, I left The Kid singing songs from another show. The cast, however is really delightful and more importantly brings Jill Eikenberry to the stage. Remember her?  From LA Law?

Jill!!!

She plays Savage’s mother and has the one song in the show that could be memorable.  But it’s not.  She’s still amazing. Give her an award.

Bottom line: read his books. Both The Kid and his follow-up The Commitment.  And, what the hell.  See the show too. And watch the New York Times video of it. And spay and neuter your pets.

Well, that solves that.  It’s nice to see that she can still get us all excited.

Taylor

We love you, Elizabeth Taylor!

Elizabeth Taylor

I’m not certain that I believe this just yet, but it would certainly be in keeping with tradition. The star’s last marriage construction worker Larry Fortensky was right around the time of the release of her fragrance White Diamond. She’s is releasing Violet Eyes this month and what better way to get her (and it) some press.

No one better than Taylor knows how to use her public image for the benefit of a product; her scandals made movie studios (and her) millions of dollars. A nice little marriage could, without a doubt, get Violet Eyes in the news.

If she marries Winters it will be her 9th marriage and her 8th husband.  This would also be the longest time Taylor has gone without a husband since the age of 18 when she first married Hilton Hotel heir Nicky Hilton, grand-uncle of Paris & Nicky Hilton.

Neither Taylor nor Winters has confirmed any of this.  If it does turn out to be true, I bet that we will hear it here first.

Betty and the girls on safe-sex

Here’s a clip from a Golden Girl’s rehearsal. I’d punch my mother of have worked on this show.

I’m always up for a good St. Olaf story. I was devastated to learn that this was a fictional Minnesota town. I’d planed to retire there. Old Space Needle …

Rose talks to God:

Ever darling and ever classy she did not disappoint with her acceptance speech at this year’s SAG Awards

I could go on and on and on. But you probably know how to operate YouTube. Kudos NBC for getting Betty on the show. We can’t wait!

The hosts, the ceremony, the presenters, the clothes … trite, trite, trite, trite. I’m never one to shy away from snark, so here goes:

Most of the dresses left me wondering if there was an open call for the Featherduster in the Broadway tour of Beauty and the Beast.

Zoe, you’re a lovely girl, but this dress.  We almost saw your goods as you were walking down the steps to present the award.

Zoe Saldana

Vera, I’d never heard of you until this year.  Congrats on being in a movie with Mr. Clooney.  You’re totally giving me Birth of Venus … I’m in shell-shock!

Vera Farmiga

Carey, I loved everything about you, even your 2004 dangly earrings.  Keep up the good work.  Also, who are you?

Carey Mullligan

Demi:  1) where was Ashton? 2) you look twenty-five 3) you look stunning! 4) You also sort of look the same color as your Versace dress.

one-tone

Cameron, I blacked out when you were presenting, or maybe you did … I’m not sure.  Either way your Oscar de la Renta dress was one of my favorites.

Cameron Diaz

Sandy B, I’m real proud of you.  I do think that your dress was dash too metallic.  You won an Oscar, but you don’t need to dress like one.

Sandra Bullock

Kate! Your YSL dress was possibly my favorite look of the evening.  I have no snark for you.

Kate Winslet

Not pictured, but should be: Jeff Bridges wife, Susan.  She was so lovely.  Who can still pull off turquoise?  SHE CAN!

OH!  I almost forgot, Zac, you are perfect.  You looked perfect. You make the world a better place.