Flashback Wednesday is here and we’re jumping back in time to 1988. Shall we?

STOP WORKING OUT AND WATCH OTHERS WORK OUT. Now, I must admit that I’m not above watching workout shows. There’s something almost mystical about watching a random, early morning cable show where a lone woman is crushing her gluts in the sun. I love watching them while eating coco puffs. It’s the kind of self hatred that I can get behind.

But the Crystal Light National Aerobic Championship? This is a national competition with a sponsor and a celebrity host! (Not to get all Seinfeldian on you, but what the hell happened to Crystal Light? I remember drinking whole buckets of that crap, or should I call it by its real name, Tangy Cancer Water. Man, I miss it.)

This video clip is an oldie but a goodie. It is a time capsule of awesome. Watch and let’s discuss.

First of all, there’s a noticeable lack of ”grapevine” happening here. (For those not in the know about aerobics, grapevining is a staple move in any aerobics class.) I feel the absence to my core.

00:14 seconds - Synchronized clapping is a much under appreciated skill. Without it we cannot take aerobics as a sport seriously.
00:27 seconds – This song CLEARLY is a ripoff/homage to the dance contest song/scene in Girls Just Want to Have Fun, the classic 1985 film starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Helen Hunt. PS Girls Just Want to Have Fun is a better film than its fellow romcom Casablanca. Girls = daring and dance-y. Casablanca = boring and dialogue-y.
00:44 seconds- Alan Thicke’s hosting duties announced. Sob with happiness–for him and his family.
00:45 seconds- Wait, Alan Thicke, the actor and singer, is an honorary chairperson of the National Fitness Association? Really?  [Puzzle and mutter to yourself.]
01:08 seconds – Satanic chanting by contestants. [Join in.]
01:16 seconds – Crazy eyes! [Cheer!]
01:38 seconds – Reigning aerobic champions take the stage and begin rocking out–which consists of jogging in place.  Competition seems less fierce than originally hoped.
01:56 seconds - Contestants pose for individual mug shots straight to the camera.  Lots of pointing, winking, and muscle flexing. Fans are back on board! NOTE: Donna Davis (2:04 seconds) really lets us down with a lukewarm performance as a normal person.  Shame on you, Donna.
02:19 seconds – 2 synchronized humps, perfection!
02:42 seconds – High kicks!
02:47 seconds – Finger snaps! Wow, they’re really taking it to the next level, physically.
03:07 seconds- Check out the guy on the right’s smile. Someone please speed dial Crest Whitestrips, because they have found their new creepy, tumblr stalker.
03:19 seconds – 3 women dancing their hearts out. My favorite is the bulky girl on the left. She looks like she should play Rugby but instead is trying to fit in with the mean girls from high school. What a sacrifice! That’s what sports is all about.
03:25 seconds – Aerobics meets community theatre. Grease is the word.
04:42 seconds – Hands down favorite.  Slow groove right into by double-time run in place? GENIUS.
04:51 seconds – Who else thinks that Peter Dale’s jump is followed by an off-camera fall?
05:35 seconds – ALAN THICKE IS IN THE HIZZY! And yes, he is wearing a pink polo with a dove grey blazer.  Oh, and he declares that this competition is the Superbowl of aerobics. He nailed that comparison.
05:52 seconds- Way to ab lib, Alan. I didn’t even notice.
06:03 seconds- A stand up routine about the history of fitness by Dr Jason Seaver. I don’t want to give anything away but Dr Seaver can deliver a good pun.

And. We. Are. Done. I feel like I just ran a race and came in third from last. It’s quite the high.

Bonus track! Alan Thicke wears a windbreaker and gets sexy.

Henri, the existential cat. Because apparently all white cats are idiots and just beg for cheeseburgers.

Whether you like it or not, Hillary Clinton’s “cool” factor has totally shot up in the past few months. She drank and danced in Colombia. The Texts From Hillary Meme blew up. (Then, she thanked them for the “Lolz.”) She got introduced by Meryl Streep at the Women in the World Conference 2012. And now, she’s so hot right now that she had to reject Jason Segel’s proposal to share the big screen together. Although, she says, if she does eventually do it, Muppets must be involved. Non-negotiable.

“Are you playing the queen or the witch today?” In a fantastic piece in Interview magazine, Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe interviews his co-star, the always fabulously eccentric Helena Bonham Carter.  Although it’s unclear on whether or not she wore matching shoes during the interview, she opens up and reveals “’F*ck it’ is my guiding philosophy.” She may just be my new hero.

Channeling her inner-Kanye (the rapper part, not the “Hold on, Imma Let you Finish” part), tennis star Serena Williams releases a clip of her rap skillz.

What Makes You Beautiful. The One Direction Parody. And the Harvard Baseball team jams out to “Call Me Maybe.”

Obama voiced his support of gay marriage this week. Politico rounded up their favorite tweets after the announcement.

My Heart WON’T go on. James Cameron announces that his film company will now solely focus on developing Avatar sequels. Say it ain’t so, JC! Somewhere on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, Jack Dawson is crying ice cold tears.

Lolz. The Pittsburgh Tribune accidentally tells their readers to…in less delicate terms, defecate themselves.

Books. Lies. And Rock&Roll. Okay, just kidding. No rock and roll, just books and lies. These New York Times Magazine editors reveal what books they lied about reading.

Nerd Love. Ever wondered why every in foreign language you pretended to learn in high school, words had genders? Slate delves into how the English language lost its genders.

Learn to be more photogenic. I know we all wish we could be as photogenic as Courtney Stodden, the 16-year-old teen bride to 51-year-old actor Doug Hutchison, but we just can’t. (Don’t put it on me, girl.) Lifehacker teaches us a simple trick to look better in photos.

Weekly stupid. Some people…are just idiotic.

Met Gala. Well, it happened on Monday. Now, I get that the Met Gala is supposed to be “Fashion’s Most Glamorous Night” –  a time for high fashion that I don’t always understand, but seriously. I think 80% of the celebrities were just a little off… I mean, what is THIS!?! Angie’s leg  v 2.0? And THIS? Also, I don’t care what anyone else says, Kristen Dunst looked like Santa Claus. And, someone, please for the love of God, give Vera Wang and Rachel Zoe a sandwich.

If you’re like me, you are a reluctant sports fan unless it’s tennis. (I believe all sports should be able to be watched live while eating sushi and drinking high-end vodka, hence my eternal love for the US Open, but I digress.)  So it was with great trepidation that I got suckered into watch a NBA playoff game.  But between me zoning out and eating a delicious, creamy white bean dip,  a revelation happened. Basketball is really enjoyable to watch if you stop focusing on the game and instead start noticing THE GOD AWFUL, RIDICULOUS, LAME TATTOOS the players are sporting. My eyes, they bleedth.

This dropped me down a rabbit’s hole of tattoo Google searches.  Sadly, basketball players, while notorious, are not alone with their terrible, celebrity ink. There several categories of awful. Let’s go on a journey together.

First up, THE MUSICIAN.We get it, you’re a rocker. That doesn’t mean you need to have cliche tattoos but it seems like a prerequisite. My suggestion: play music, don’t put a crucified Jesus on your back.  After much research, the winner, however, was clear…Fred Durst, front man for Nu Metal band Limp Bizkit. Somehow I don’t think Kurt Cobain and Elvis want to hang out together…on Fred’s chest.

Runner up, boy band friendly Nick Lachey. If Zack Morris had a tattoo, this capri sun surely would have been it.  

Next category, THE HOOCH. These tattoos are meant to be titillating and are usually located in coy places near the breast, back of the neck, ankle or the lower back (affectionately known as the tramp stamp). The competition was fierce but in a tight race…Mena Suvari wins! Oh, honey. Lions and words of wisdom do not belong on the nap of your neck. Obviously, Mena had a very profound trip to the zoo. Next time I suggest a long journal entry. 

Runner up, Eve with her paw prints. Part of me sort of likes the sexah-ness of the look but mostly it looks like she’s got some schmutz on her front parts and I want her to wash it off.

Next category, CELEBRITY CHEFS.  This one was a doozy–too many to choose a winner. It seemed too easy to select a food-themed tattoo (there’s a lot of pork/white meat references out there) but then I stumbled upon Hell’s Kitchen contestant Tommy Stevens’ forehead and the decision was made for me. Straight from the artist’s needle to your plate.

And the final category of awful, BASKETBALL STARS. There are no words and so, I leave you with pictures.

With a soaring music career right out of high school and a distinctive, gorgeous voice that sounded mature beyond her years, it is easy to forget that Amy’s success and death all happened before her 28^th birthday. But Amy’s legacy lives on. There’s a recently launched foundation in her honor and, of course, her music. While reading the book, I was compelled to listen to her albums and while it is hard to choose my favorite song–in Amy’s short life she wrote and sung with such skill and brutal honesty–there are some top contenders. RIP Amy and her famous beehive hairdo.

#5 - Valerie. Though not technically an Amy Winehouse song (it was written by Mark Ronson), it was her vocals that skyrocketed the song to fame.

#4 - Rehab. Perhaps her most famous song, its message is dark and, sadly, prophetic. It is a true pop song in the best sense–playful, catchy and a tad dangerous.

#3 - Love Is A Losing Game. A sultry torch song that thrills as it breaks your heart.

#2 – Tears Dry on Their Own. A brutally honest conversation about loving someone who doesn’t love you back. Reading about Amy’s relationship with Blake, you see how she wrote this song from experience.

#1 - You Know that I’m No Good. This. Song. Is. An. Anthem. Amy’s soulful 60′s musical style is imbedded in your head after one listen.

Dick Clark. I feel like I’ve known him my whole life. I have if you think about it. He was around every New Year’s Eve, rockin’ it in with good cheer. And while I’m a little young to have been an “American Bandstand” devotee, I’ve seen clips and there wasn’t a more dashing host. I should be too young to have been a fan of his game show “Pyramid” but in fact, I began watching it in utero and loved him ever since. That Clark was eternally young—before the world knew about chemical peels and Botox—made him a real life super hero. Eternal Teenage-Man!

Of course, his devastating stroke in 2004 didn’t stop him a bit. Sometimes hardship only illuminates how courageous a person really is. So, sadly I quote the man himself, “For now, Dick Clark…so long.”

Favor!te Film: Bridesmaids

Favor!te Album: Adele – 21; Jack’s Mannequin – People and Things

Favor!te Book: Just Kids by Patti Smith; Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? By Mindy Kaling

Favor!te Designer: DVF, Tory Burch

Favor!te TV show: Homeland, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Up All Night, New Girl

Favor!te Twitterer: Mindy Kaling; Sophia Rossi, Khloe Kardashian

Who do you most want to smooch on New Year’s Eve? My husband, this is our first New Year’s Eve as husband and wife!

What do you want the most as a holiday gift? Garmin Forerunner GPS watch for running, so I can track my pace and distance accurately. I could have used one in the NYC marathon this year, so hopefully it will inspire me to run some big races in 2012.

Harry Potter Page to Screen by Bob McCabe   

Coming in at over 500 amazing pages, Harry Potter: Page to Screen opens the doors to Hogwarts castle and the wizarding world of Harry Potter to reveal the complete behind-the-scenes secrets, techniques, and over-the-top artistry that brought J.K. Rowling’s acclaimed novels to cinematic life.   

Buy Harry Potter Page to Screen or watch a video.   

How I Got This Way by Regis Philbin  

In this entertaining memoir, the irrepressible Reege—consummate talk-show host, man-about-town, loving husband, father, and yes, obsessive sports fan—looks back at his years in show business and is filled with stories of lessons learned—and elbows rubbed—with extraordinary, and often unsuspecting, teachers.  

Buy How I Got This Way or read an excerpt.  

 Marilyn Monroe: Metamorphosis by David Wills  

In Marilyn Monroe: Metamorphosis, David Wills has gathered spectacular, museum-quality work from Marilyn’s key photographers to create this dazzling portfolio of images from every period of Marilyn Monroe’s adult life, from her wedding day in 1942 till just weeks before her death two decades later, this stunning collection pays homage to her continually evolving style and extraordinary beauty.  

Buy Marilyn Monroe: Metamorphosis or read an excerpt.  

100 Unforgettable Dresses by Hal Rubenstein 

100 Unforgettable Dresses is filled with the stories, secrets, intrigue, and insights behind the most indelible dresses in our collective memories. This book celebrates the staying power of these gorgeous, sleek, sultry, and outrageous creations as well as the lasting impact they’ve had in fashion, popular culture, and our own lives. 

Buy 100 Unforgettable Dresses or read an excerpt. 

Dear Cary by Dyan Cannon  

With unparalleled honesty, Dyan Cannon shares the heartwarming and heartbreaking story of her magical romance and stormy marriage to screen legend Cary Grant. He was the ultimate star, defining Hollywood glamour as well as cinematic achievement. She was a bright new actress, beautiful and funny. What could possibly go wrong?  

Buy Dear Cary or read an excerpt.  

The Tiny Book of Tiny Stories by hitRECord and Joseph Gordon-Levitt  

To create The Tiny Book of Tiny Stories: Volume 1, Joseph Gordon-Levitt directed thousands of collaborators to tell tiny stories through words and art. Reminiscent of the 6-Word Memoir series, The Tiny Book of Tiny Stories: Volume 1 brings together art and voices from around the world to unite and tell stories that defy size.  

Buy The Tiny Book of Tiny Stories, read an excerpt or watch a video.  

Manolo Blahnik and The Tale of the Elves and the Shoemaker by Camilla Morton, illustrated by Manolo Blahnik  

International bestselling author Camilla Morton reimagines the classic “Elves and the Shoemaker” fairytale, blending elements of famed shoe designer Manolo Blahnik’s life story into the fabric of the immortal “Once Upon a Time” favorite, complete with original illustrations from Blahnik himself.  

Buy Manolo Blahnik and The Tale of the Elves and the Shoemaker or read an excerpt.  

The History of the World According to Facebook by Wylie Overstreet  

Now, for the first time, a full-length history of the world, from its creation up through present day, as if Facebook had existed all along and Abraham Lincoln had written a status update about “taking the missus to the theater” and Ben Franklin had done the same alerting his network that he’d signed the Declaration of Independence. Filled with hundreds of real-life historical figures and thousands of not-at-all-real Facebook statuses, this is the definitive humor book for a new generation of scholars.  

Buy The History of the World According to Facebook or read an excerpt.  

The Art of The Adventures of Tintin by Weta Workshop  

Go behind the scenes and explore the movie-making magic that comes alive on screen in Steven Spielberg’s upcoming film The Adventures of Tintin, shown through text, photos and illustrations from Weta Worskshop, the ground-breaking  and Academy Award-winning visual effects team.  

Buy The Art of The Adventures of Tintin or read an excerpt.  

Menagerie by Sharon Montrose  

Celebrated author and photographer Sharon Montrose presents a compendium of wild and domestic animal portraits displayed in unusual and innovative ways-the perfect gift for the legions of fans of cute animals everywhere.  

Buy Menagerie or read an excerpt.  

 The History of American Graffiti by Roger Gastman and Caleb Neelon  

Unprecedented in scope, The History of American Graffiti is the definitive story behind the most influential art form of the last one hundred years. With more than one thousand photographs from more than two hundred photographers, The History of American Graffiti captures the look and feel of a genuine American art form with exceptional clarity and detail.  

Buy The History of American Graffiti or read an excerpt.

HARPERCOLLINS PUBLISHERS ACQUIRES NEWMARKET PRESS NAME AND CATALOG

Esther Margolis to Join the It Books Imprint

New York, NY (October 24, 2011) HarperCollins Publishers today announced that it has acquired the rights to the majority of titles published by Newmarket Press. As part of the agreement, Esther Margolis, Founder, President, and Publisher of Newmarket Press, will join the HarperCollins It Books imprint as an Executive Editor, where she will continue to acquire entertainment-related books to be published under the imprint Newmarket Press for It Books. The move is part of HarperCollins’s continuing expansion in the areas of pop-culture and entertainment publishing. The changes are effective immediately.

“For years, Newmarket Press has been the industry’s leading publisher of film-related books. Its list of screenplays, making-of books, tie-ins, and other titles on cinema is second to none. Esther Margolis is a highly respected veteran of both the publishing and the film industries, with unparalleled relationships with countless studios and filmmakers. Her wealth of knowledge and experience in publishing to this audience will be an invaluable asset to the growing It Books list,” said Cal Morgan, Senior Vice President and Publisher, It Books.

“HarperCollins Publishers makes a great home for the Newmarket list,” said Margolis. “The resources of HarperCollins and the It Books team will allow the Newmarket backlist to flourish in all channels and formats while enabling me to add to the list going forward.”

Newmarket Press was founded by Margolis in 1981. During its 29 years, the imprint has published more than 200 books in the areas of film, theater, and performing arts, including official tie-in books for films that have garnered more than 300 Oscar nominations and nearly 100 wins. Newmarket Press is especially noted for its illustrated books on such films as Milk; The Matrix; Gladiator; Moulin Rouge; Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon; Chicago; Sense and Sensibility; Saving Private Ryan; and Dances with Wolvesand for its acclaimed Newmarket Shooting Script® Series, including screenplays for King’s Speech, The Hurt Locker, Slumdog Millionaire, Milk, Juno, Little Miss Sunshine; Sideways; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; American Beauty; and Shawshank Redemption, among others. Other notable Newmarket titles about moviemaking include The Jaws Log, Final Cut, and Making Tootsie.

In addition, the Newmarket Press list has included more than 100 titles in the fields of parenting, psychology, health, biography, history, business, and fiction, including such popular and acclaimed books as the two-million-copy bestselling What’s Happening to My Body? series of puberty education books by Lynda Madaras; Daphne Oz’s national bestseller The Dorm Room Diet; Suze Orman’s national bestseller You’ve Earned It, Don’t Lose It; Dr. Georgia Witkin’s The Female Stress Syndrome; Gene Hackman & Daniel Lenihan’s first novel, Wake of the Perdido Star; Stuart Avery Gold’s international bestseller Ping: A Frog in Search of a New Pond; Shalom, Friend: The Life and Legacy of Yitzhak Rabin, winner of the National Jewish Book Award in nonfiction; The Words of Gandhi and The Words of Martin Luther King, Jr.; and six works by William Wharton. All non-film-and-entertainment-related Newmarket Press titles acquired by HarperCollins will be published as trade paperbacks under the William Morrow Trade Paperbacks imprint.

Esther Margolis received the 2008 Poor Richard Award from The New York Center for Independent Publishing, given to a publisher who has made an outstanding contribution to the field of independent publishing. A member of the Women’s Forum, the Women’s Media Group, and Writers Guild of America, Margolis serves on the Trade Executive Committee of the Association of American Publishers, and the American Advisory Committee of the Jerusalem International Book Fair. She originated Bantam Books’ publicity operation in the 1960’s, later becoming Bantam’s first division head for marketing, publicity and communications worldwide, and worked closely with such authors as Jacqueline Susann, Maya Angelou, Louis L’Amour, Gail Sheehy, and E.L. Doctorow.

About It Books
Launched in September 2009, It Books is dedicated to publishing exceptional books in entertainment, music, fashion, design, art, celebrity, pop culture and sports. It Books has published numerous New York Times, Wall Street Journal and Los Angeles Times bestsellers including the # 1 New York Times bestsellers Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern and Red by Sammy Hagar as well as Getting the Pretty Back by MollyRingwald, Booky Wook 2 by Russell Brand, The Red Hot Chili Peppers by The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Everyone Loves You When You’re Dead by Neil Strauss, All My Life by Susan Lucci and The EveryGirl’s Guide to Life by Maria Menounos. Upcoming publications include Dear Cary by Dyan Cannon and Beauty, Disrupted by Carré Otis. It Books is an imprint HarperCollins Publishers, one of the largest English-language publishers in the world and a subsidiary of News Corporation (NASDAQ: NWS, NWSA; ASX: NWS, NWSLV). It Books can be found online at www.YourItList.com, www.Facebook.com/YourItList, www.Twitter.com/YourItList and www.Twitter.com/ItBooks.

About HarperCollins Publishers
HarperCollins, one of the largest English-language publishers in the world, is a subsidiary of News Corporation (NASDAQ: NWS, NWSA; ASX: NWS, NWSLV). Headquartered in New York, HarperCollins has publishing groups around the world including the HarperCollins General Books Group, HarperCollins Children’s Books Group, Zondervan, HarperCollins UK, HarperCollins Canada, HarperCollins Australia/New Zealand and HarperCollins India. HarperCollins is a broad-based publisher with strengths in literary and commercial fiction, business books, children’s books, cookbooks, mystery, romance, reference, religious and spiritual books. With nearly 200 years of history HarperCollins has published some of the world’s foremost authors and has won numerous awards including the Nobel Prize, the Pulitzer Prize and National Book Award, the Newbery Medal and the Caldecott. Consistently at the forefront of innovation and technological advancement HarperCollins is the first publisher to digitize its content and create a global digital warehouse to protect the rights of its authors, meet consumer demand and generate additional business opportunities. You can visit HarperCollins Publishers on the Internet at http://www.harpercollins.com.

If you haven’t heard (I can’t see how you haven’t), Just Kids is Smith’s memoir of arriving in New York in 1967 and the then 20 year old’s chance encounter with Robert Mapplethorpe, another 20 year old aspiring artist. It’s her story of their love, their friendship, their art and a New York few would recognize today.

So the question goes out… who would you cast as Smith and Mapplethorpe?

Kristen Stewart (age: 21) and Robert Pattison (age: 25)

Surely these two will be at the top of studio exec’s wish list. Stewart, proved that she could rock in her transformation into Joan Jett in the film biopic The Runaways and the resemblance between the two [rumored] real-life couple to the originals is uncanny. But the fit and the two megastars’ ties to the mega-Twilight-franchise may not hit audiences (or Ms. Smith) the right way.

Frances Bean Cobain (age: 19) and Ezra Miller (age: 18)

The Princess of Grunge as the Godmother of Punk? Can Miss Cobain act? Who knows? But if she can – and would want to step up into the Hollywood world, the photos by Hedi Slimane that recently were released prove she has the look – and the balls – to play Smith. I’d cast the currently almost famous Ezra Miller as Mapplethorpe against Cobain’s Smith. He has the East Village circa 1967 thing down already – and if his performance in the upcoming We Need to Talk About Kevin is as amazing as is being predicted, this could be the massive follow-up he will be looking for.

Emma Watson (age: 21) and Nicholas Hout (age: 21)

Former Harry Potter student Emma Watson seems poised for an image-crashing turn in to catapult her out of Hogwarts. I’d pair her with fellow Brit Nicholas Hout, who came to fame years ago in About a Boy and crashed his own child-star image in the amazing British take on Gossip Girl (but dirtier and better) Skins. His follow-up to that, playing the lovelorn college boy pining for a night with professor Colin Firth in Tom Ford’s A Single Man.

Jennifer Damiano (age: 20) and Eddie Redmayne (age: 29)

Perhaps the modern day Smith and Mapplethorpe might be found forty blocks north of The Village and on Broadway. Jennifer Damiano got amazing attention for her originating role in Spring Awakening. Followed by her Tony-nominated role in Next to Normal. Currently she’s starring in Spider Man. So she should be looking for a new job soon. The Mapplethorpe to Damiano’s Smith? Eddie Redmayne, the Tony award-winning star of Red and the upcoming film My Week with Marilyn.

So who do you think should be cast as Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe in Just Kids?