Charlize Theron apparently didn’t have teeth until she was 11. Pics or it didn’t happen, am I right? There’s no way that woman was ever ugly.

Undercover. Ben Howard  brilliantly reimagines Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe.” Also check out the A.V. Club series Undercover as bluegrass band Trampled By Turtles takes on Arcade Fire’s “Rebellion (Lies)” and Justin Townes Earle covers Bruce Springsteen’s “Atlantic City.” And don’t forget to check out this pretty sick cover of LMAFO’s “Sexy and I Know It.”

Listen to Tina Fey on this week’s episode of the Nerdist podcast. She discusses important things like how she likes broccoli way more than asparagus.

Coffee break. 1. A new study finds that people who drink 6 or more cups of coffee per day are less likely to die. 2. Competitive eating champion Takeru Kobayashi drinks 42 cups of coffee, and yet it’s still not as gross as watching him consume hot dogs, meatballs, pasta, hamburgers, or Twinkies (Thanks, Wendy Williams, for that last gem).

Refinery 29 brings us the 17 most weird, creepy and bizarre NYC Craig’s List postings from this past week.

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth (and/or stomach) is. Celebrity Chef (and HarperCollins author) Mario Batali and his family spent the week eating off a food stamp budget in “protest of potential cuts pending in Congress to the benefit program used by more than 46 million Americans,” according to the AP.

Amazon released its annual list of the most “well-read” cities of America. I’ll spare you from my editorializing of the results…

No. Apparently, Band-aids do not really do anything other than save others from looking at your festering wound.

Excited to see Battleship this weekend? If your answer was yes, we can no longer be friends. Just kidding! Come back!! I love you. But really, an acceptable answer would have been something like, “Maybe, but only because of Taylor Kitsch. Texas forever.” Anyway, in anticipation for Battleship, The Week shows us 7 more ridiculous movies based on board games. I’m still waiting for the movie pitch based on the Easy Bake Oven.

Like Good Will Hunting, only not really. In a heartwarming tale, a janitor, who has worked at Columbia University for nearly two decades while taking night classes, has finally finished his degree in Classics.

The Beautiful Game. Watch as FC Barcelona’s beautiful style of play gets dissected with slow motion video and pretty geometric triangles.

In case you were looking for a World Record to break and Kobayashi’s eating records aren’t exactly attainable for you, David DiDonato just broke the record for world’s longest guitar solo, twenty-four hours and 18 minutes. Start thinking of something else.

35 Photos of Olympians stretching. I’m more than a little upset Ryan Lochte wasn’t included on this.

When Gotye gets road rage.

50 People You Wish You Knew in Real Life. [Via BuzzFeed] Yup, that guy on the left is on there. So hot right now.

The Mustachifer. Please buy this for all the babies you know. They will thank you later.

 Where’s Ken? Girl tries to look like a real-life Barbie doll and succeeds. Her waist looks to be approximately the same size as my foot width.

There’s a picture of Ke$ha in the dictionary under the word “classy.” And, it’s probably the photo that Ke$ha apparently tweeted of herself peeing in the street last Wednesday night, writing “pee pee on the street. PoPo come n get me if u can find meeee. I blame traffik.” Keep it klassy always, Ke$ha.

So Bad, It’s Good. If you were on the Rebecca Black train last year and/or the “Call Me Maybe” train this year, you will probably love this. “Justin Bieber’s Girlfriend” by Michaela Wallace (not to be confused with Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend”). I may or may not have personally contributed at least 200 of the almost 3 million YouTube views. With lyrical gems like, “bass is pumpin’ with the rhythm of my own heartbeat,” what’s not to love about this spunky 14-year-old singing her heart out the Biebs?

“The Preezi of the United Steezy” Move over, Brian Williams. While appearing on an episode of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last Tuesday, President Barack Obama helped Fallon slow-jam the news.

Under the Sea. Amazing underwater photos from David Doubilet on the New York Times Lens Blog.

On Social Media: If you were really honest about your Pinterest boards. And what if Instagram were text-only? Check out the results on Twitter – with quips like, “Coincidentally autofocused raindrops” and “Condensation forms on a tasty beverage as folded sunglasses rest nearby.”

If Lifetime hasn’t already optioned the movie rights to the ESPN-Sarah Phillips-con artist story, then I’m not entirely sure if the sky is blue.  

Finally. Being 24 and awkward has it’s own rap song. [via Mashable] “Yeah, I’m not young, but I’m not that old.”

Too much cute. Toronto Zoo’s 2-month-old polar bear starts crawling.

Do yourself a favor and watch NBC’s Best Friends Forever. It’s amazing. Oh, and listen to Norah Jones’ new album Little Broken Hearts. It’s also amazing.

If you’re like me, you are a reluctant sports fan unless it’s tennis. (I believe all sports should be able to be watched live while eating sushi and drinking high-end vodka, hence my eternal love for the US Open, but I digress.)  So it was with great trepidation that I got suckered into watch a NBA playoff game.  But between me zoning out and eating a delicious, creamy white bean dip,  a revelation happened. Basketball is really enjoyable to watch if you stop focusing on the game and instead start noticing THE GOD AWFUL, RIDICULOUS, LAME TATTOOS the players are sporting. My eyes, they bleedth.

This dropped me down a rabbit’s hole of tattoo Google searches.  Sadly, basketball players, while notorious, are not alone with their terrible, celebrity ink. There several categories of awful. Let’s go on a journey together.

First up, THE MUSICIAN.We get it, you’re a rocker. That doesn’t mean you need to have cliche tattoos but it seems like a prerequisite. My suggestion: play music, don’t put a crucified Jesus on your back.  After much research, the winner, however, was clear…Fred Durst, front man for Nu Metal band Limp Bizkit. Somehow I don’t think Kurt Cobain and Elvis want to hang out together…on Fred’s chest.

Runner up, boy band friendly Nick Lachey. If Zack Morris had a tattoo, this capri sun surely would have been it.  

Next category, THE HOOCH. These tattoos are meant to be titillating and are usually located in coy places near the breast, back of the neck, ankle or the lower back (affectionately known as the tramp stamp). The competition was fierce but in a tight race…Mena Suvari wins! Oh, honey. Lions and words of wisdom do not belong on the nap of your neck. Obviously, Mena had a very profound trip to the zoo. Next time I suggest a long journal entry. 

Runner up, Eve with her paw prints. Part of me sort of likes the sexah-ness of the look but mostly it looks like she’s got some schmutz on her front parts and I want her to wash it off.

Next category, CELEBRITY CHEFS.  This one was a doozy–too many to choose a winner. It seemed too easy to select a food-themed tattoo (there’s a lot of pork/white meat references out there) but then I stumbled upon Hell’s Kitchen contestant Tommy Stevens’ forehead and the decision was made for me. Straight from the artist’s needle to your plate.

And the final category of awful, BASKETBALL STARS. There are no words and so, I leave you with pictures.

Little did I know that during the entire meal I was a rebel trampling on important restaurant etiquette. According to The Gentry Man: A Guide for the Civilized Male—the best of GentryMagazine, articles published between 1951-1957—my manners were no better than a cowhand who picks her teeth with a chicken bone and blows her nose on the table cloth. Yee-haw!

Here are a few of my favorite rules “for the polite diner” from The Gentry Man…

#2  “Don’t just drop into a restaurant and order a meal. Go to the restaurant of your choice and make all the arrangements with the proprietor or headwaiter a day or two in advance.”

#6  “Don’t brand yourself as a rank plebeian by seasoning your food before tasting it. Many a chef’s brain child has been smothered with condiments, when it should have been showered with compliments.”

#9 “Don’t demand music with our meals. Table conversation is the only suitable accompaniment of good food. Dinner dancing is an abomination and holds no place with the bon vivant.”

I’ve always loved books like this. They’re a hoot to read and make me nostalgic for those classier, more restrictive days of pocket squares and comfy girdles.

Dick Clark. I feel like I’ve known him my whole life. I have if you think about it. He was around every New Year’s Eve, rockin’ it in with good cheer. And while I’m a little young to have been an “American Bandstand” devotee, I’ve seen clips and there wasn’t a more dashing host. I should be too young to have been a fan of his game show “Pyramid” but in fact, I began watching it in utero and loved him ever since. That Clark was eternally young—before the world knew about chemical peels and Botox—made him a real life super hero. Eternal Teenage-Man!

Of course, his devastating stroke in 2004 didn’t stop him a bit. Sometimes hardship only illuminates how courageous a person really is. So, sadly I quote the man himself, “For now, Dick Clark…so long.”

Forget owling.

Now there’s Tebowing.

It’s an homage to former Heisman trophy winner quarterback at the University of Florida and starting QB at the Denver Broncos, Tim Tebow.

According the the website, Tebowing.com, the act is defined as: to get down on a knee and start praying, even if everyone around you is doing something completely different. You can see more user-submitted photos on their site.

Tebow is well-known for his Christian beliefs. His book THROUGH MY EYES was a New York Times bestseller.

Attention Harry Potter fans! You already know that we’ll be publishing a brand new book Harry Potter Page to Screen, which tells the complete story of how all eight films were made. It goes on sale October 25, but right now we have a special perk for anyone who’s already pre-ordered the book: through the link below, enter your proof of purchase from the store, and you’ll get exclusive access to never-before-seen 20 pages from the book. In addition, once you’re on the entry site, there’s one more bonus for you (maybe this?), so get going, already!

Click here to get access to the brand-new set of 20 pages:
I pre-ordered Harry Potter Page to Screen, now show me the exclusive excerpt!

And we don’t want to leave out anyone who may be waiting to get Page to Screen as a gift, so feast your eyes on and enjoy these additional 2 excerpts:
The Making of Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire
The Art of Harry Potter

Enjoy these sneak peeks, and we promise you, the full book is worth the wait!

Uniqlo flagship store to come, 5th Ave at 53rd St.

Opening on Friday, October 14, the Fifth Avenue location (at the southwest corner of 53rd St.) will be the Japanese retailer’s largest global flagship store.  Yes, Fifth Avenue has plenty of flagship stores, but Uniqlo will be a great addition to It Books’s little stretch of the avenue, saving us from Hollister/Gap/H&M fatigue.  Come the holidays, tourists will no doubt choke up the sidewalks even more, but I for one am happy to have another mid-market shop.  And it’s always nice to see an empty store front find a new store to call it “home”!

Is it just me or does it seem like she was just  feuding over Aaron Carter with Lindsay Lohan? I guess that was all “So Yesterday“ since apparently now the two girls are totes over it. Ah, young love.

But enough of Hillz’s dark past. She is an icon and Lizzie McGuire was an inspiration. I mean, don’t even tell me that the Lizzie McGuire Movie didn’t win an Oscar; It did in my heart. Mistaken for half an Italian pop duo Paolo & Isabella, Lizzie galavants around Rome posing as Isabella and eventually uncovers the not-so-nice truth about Paolo, and of course,  falls in love.

Her cartoon inner-psyche would bounce around the screen telling us all what Lizzie was REALLY thinking, usually something profound like, “Nooooo” or “Ethan Craft just said ‘hi’ to me!!!” But more important than her profound declarations in cartoon form is the fact that Lizzie is and was a trendsetter. Perhaps Lizzie’s unmatching clothes weren’t understood at the time, but today, most likely due to Lizzie McGuire’s forward thinking fashion, mixing patterns are a fashion do.

Lizzie tackled the tough issues of the day like, eating disorders, hanging out with the wrong crowd, sneaking into R-rated movies, family issues, and growing up.

Now that Nick has brought back its 90’s classics – All That, Kenan & Kel, Clarissa Explains It All, and Doug – what about Disney? Bring back Lizzie McGuire!!! Oh, and maybe even throw in a little  Even Stevens, The Famous Jett Jackson, So Weird, and Kim Possible.

I miss you, Lizzie. I really do. XOXO

In addition to being awesome, it would need to possess certain qualities:  

• Satisfying to watch repeatedly
• Enough of a relationship to the rest of the show that hours of entertainment could be had by discussing (with yourself or your volleyball) the larger significance of the episode
• Not a cliffhanger. How evil would that be?

For me, the answer is, hands down, the Buffy musical episode, “Once More, With Feeling.”  

For those of you who have seen it, I know that you know what I’m talking about. This is clearly the right choice.  

For everyone else: First off, I can tell that you’re thinking, “A musical episode of a show about high school students who fight demons? How could that be good?”* Well, I’m not the only one who thinks so. It was nominated for an Emmy, and received rave reviews, like “‘Once More, with Feeling’ is rhapsodic, original, deeply affecting, and ultimately, transcendental. Quite simply, television at its best.” (The Toronto Star) Also, if you’re a fan of Glee, just think: wouldn’t Glee be even better with a few vampires and Joss Whedon’s writing?**  

The basic premise is that a demon (a dancing demon…no, something isn’t right there) shows up in Sunnydale, and suddenly everyone is singing and dancing about anything and everything: dry cleaning, parking tickets, the difficulty of feeling connected to life when you’ve been brought back from the dead by your well-intentioned friends, secret plans for leaving town, bunny conspiracy theories. You know, the usual. It doesn’t sound too demonic until you realize that A) some people are dancing until they burst into flames and B) nobody has any control over what they’re singing, so they end up spilling their innermost secrets.  

In terms of desert island appeal:  

• Think of the weeks of entertainment that could be gained by learning all of the songs (if, um, one didn’t already know them) and the corresponding dance moves.
• The execution is brilliant; hours could be spent marveling over how well the songs move the action forward. The songs are a realistic (within the Buffyverse) way of having secrets come into the open all at once–how cool a premise is that?
• Because of that, there are many major plot points happening within this episode, so there’s tons of stuff to analyze. (To be fair, this would only be helpful if you had seen, at a minimum, the first part of the season.)
• There are a number of jokes that are easy to miss the first time or five around, so it only gets better the more you watch.
• Spike. (Swoon.)
• Perhaps most importantly, if you are stuck on an island watching a single episode of anything over and over again, you need an episode that will motivate you to get your butt in gear, build a raft and/or signal fire, and figure out how to get off the island already.*** Buffy’s struggle to reconnect with her own life should resonate with you and motivate you in your time of need.

So–if you had to pick only one hour of TV to bring to your island, what would it be? 

*Technically, because this episode is in the 6^th season, only Dawn is still a high school student. The others graduated in epic Sunnydale style at the end of Season 3. Speaking of which–Alyssa Rosenberg has an excellent post about graduation & after here. 

**Yes.  

***It seems like Lost or Survivor might also have episodes that would be good for this particular purpose. But do they have singing and dancing? No. No, they do not.