Celebrities: Lent me your ears!
Ash Wednesday (aka “Night of the Living Ash-Cross Zombies” to the non-practicing) is upon us. While everyone else is giving up chocolate, reality TV and cussin’, we’ve turned our attention to what other people should give up for the next 40 days. To wit:
Kevin Smith: Give up flying coach (or at least Southwest). If, as you say, you “have enough money” to buy two seats, why, perchance, don’t you just fly first class?
Celebrity Mags: Give Up the ‘Celebs Without Make-Up’ features—nothing about 
seeing a star breakout (not to be confused with a breakout star) is pretty.
Betty White: We’re giving you a pass this year—never give up an inch. Everything you do makes us laugh.
Jeremy Renner: You gave a riveting performance in The Hurt Locker, but give up the Oscar—it’s Jeff Bridge’s turn! We see more noms in your future anyway.
Mr. Clean after Rogaine
“The Bachelor” Producers: Give up casting watching-paint-dry-boring bachelors, floozies, and pregnant gals. Okay, fine, keep casting the floozies and pregnant gals, otherwise why would we watch?
Robert Downey Jr.—you’ve given up enough vices for all the Lents to come—just never give up acting. And never give up that muse you married!
John Mayer: Do yourself, more than anyone else, a favor and STOP GIVING INTERVIEWS. Forty days might not be enough for this one–40 years might be a better plan. Exhibit A and Exhibit B.
