Cooler than cool

*** Full Disclosure: I just hijacked this piece from the wonderful website Iceland Review because I like what they have to say. Read their blog. ***

Cooler Than You: The Tragically Hip

Hot damned Reykjavík is cool. Coolest place on earth, always has been, always will be. Cooler than whatever town you are from, even if you’re from Reykjavík.

And if you think you can come here, slip’n’slide your way into the hip crowd. Well that’s just not possible. These kids are hipper than a year’s worth of surgery in a specialist hip replacement ward.

Or that was the case. Until now, until my sure fire 12-step guide to being hip in hipsville.

1. Find your own style.

First and most important. You gotta make your mark in zero seconds flat, from across the room, across the street. Across the town. Every hip kid has his or her own style. Fortunately it’s easy to find your own, just remember this mantra: I want to be an individual, like all the other individuals. Look around, copy, steal.

2. Drink coffee.

This is your daytime activity. From the moment you wake (no earlier than 1 pm) till the kids go home, you are going to subsist in 101 coffee-shops. Latte, espresso, black or with milk, doesn’t matter what you like, that’s not the point. Drink whatever everyone else drinks, just be seen doing it. Books, pen and paper are for hippies, PC’s for losers, make sure to have a Mac in front of you at all times.

3. Drink. At bars, a lot.

This is how you spend the night. Every night.

Weeknights: Drink beer, the watery stuff from the tap. Weekends: Beer and sugary shots. 1 for 1. Spend all your time at the bar, sit on it for extra marks. Never ever try to dance, no one is impressed. By anything. Ever.

4. Eat out.

Always eat out. Time spent at home is time not seen—ergo time wasted. It doesn’t matter if the food is bad. Taste and the hip go together like toothpaste and orange juice.

5. Be seen, be heard. Ad nauseam.

This is a war of attrition people. The hip of the town are the most seen—in the most places, with the most people. If people aren’t sick of the sight of you, then you aren’t working hard enough.

6. Act like you own the place.

You’ve wheedled your way into the communal hip consciousness, now you gotta get the act down. No problem, just remember this one word. Obnoxious: You’re hip, it’s your right, it’s your duty. What’s the word: obnoxious!

7. Talk about projects you are working on.

Incessantly. At any given opportunity. No one was ever hip just for being hip. You need to be seen to be doing something, and people need to know about it. Something creative, exciting, energetic. Something hip.

8. Never ever work on your projects.

Of course no one who was hip never actually did anything, apart from being hip. This isn’t a contradiction, it’s a paradox. A hip paradox.

9. Tell everyone you love them when you are face-to-face.

Diplomacy is all important in a city as small as Reykjavík. Like any good politician, learn to press the flesh.

10. Criticize everyone behind their backs.

As soon as the schmoes turn their back, get ready to drag their name through the dirt.

11. Never express an opinion that might come back on you.

Diplomacy is a balancing act—with no net. Get it wrong and a fall’s coming.

Remember this: your opinion is worth nothing. The only opinion that is, is the opinion of the Greater Hip. If you have to stand up for your words, then they’re the wrong words. He who stands alone, falls alone. Mean what you say, never say what you mean.

12. Take a day off every now and then.

Mystery is good. It gives the impression that you have more important matters. Of course you don’t, but who’s to know?

This is the perfect time to look up those YouTube clips to screen in coffee-shops, and to dream up hilarious(ly hip) updates for Facebook and Twitter. If you aren’t big on the net, you aren’t big on the streets. Just don’t get too big—500 friends maximum.

So, there you go, that’s it. Follow these 12 steps and you too can be obnoxious, arrogant, ubiquitous, irrelevant.

Though when you put it like that, it just doesn’t sound quite so… What’s the word?

Hip.

Jan 24, 2010 | Categories: Pop Culture, Stuff We Like | Tags: funny, humor, Reykjavík, sticky, Style | Leave A Comment »