On October 5, 2010, Judah Friedlander’s magnum opus: HOW TO BEAT UP ANYBODY:  An Instructional and Inspirational Karate Book by The World Champion will finally be available wherever books are sold. Until then, you’ll have to use your own methods of self-preservation when confronted with assailants with 3 arms, subway gangs, ninjas, Bigfoots, and dinosaurs.

If you value your personal safety, you certainly won’t want to be the last chump on your block to get your hands on this indispensable manual. That’s why we’ve created this limited-time offer for anyone who pre-orders a copy of HOW TO BEAT UP ANYBODY.

Here’s how it works:

The first 1,000 people to email a copy of their pre-order confirmation for HOW TO BEAT UP ANYBODY  from any U.S. based online retailer to Judah@HarperCollins.com will receive a free bookplate signed by The World Champion, Judah Friedlander.

Here are the two easy steps:

1.) Visit this link and place a pre-order of HOW TO BEAT UP ANYBODY from any of the listed online retailers, or any other U.S.-based online retailer of your choice.

2) Forward your book order confirmation email to Judah@HarperCollins.com by 12:00 pm (Eastern) November 5, 2010.

At the top of the email, include your full name, email address, phone number (for shipping purposes) and the mailing address to where the free signed bookplate should be shipped. The bookplate will be sent only to a valid United States mailing address. No bookplates will be shipped outside the United States. Offer valid only for orders placed before the official on-sale date of October 5, 2010.

To hold you over until you can get Judah’s book in your hands, enjoy this inspirational video:

This offer is valid though November 5, 2010 at 5:00 PM EST, while supplies last.  No requests will be accepted after this time.  Limited to one free bookplate per customer.  Void wherever prohibited or restricted by law. Signed book plates are not available for purchase, but their estimated value is approximately $0.01.

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Visit the Shit My Dad Says at SomeEcards.com store and let the truth be heard. Some choice examples:

Oh, and don’t forget to buy the # 1 New York Times bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says book.

The multi-talented Mr. Provenza is adding yet another line to his resume: television host. The Green Room with Paul Provenza offers comedy fans the chance to see the world’s greatest comedians in a roundtable setting, speaking off-the-cuff and uncensored in front of a studio audience. No rules, no agenda, no censors…just some of the funniest people around, riffing on and ripping each other apart.

If that sounds like your kind of fun, catch the series premier on Thursday, June 10th at 10:30 PM (Eastern/Pacific) on Showtime.

Created by the dynamic team at Partners & Spade, illustrated by Jason Polan, and coming it at an affordable $15 each, you can’t afford not to buy these little gems.

Read more and buy the books:

HOW TO KEEP HIM ON A SHORT LEASH

HOW TO STAY OUT OF THE DOGHOUSE

Cooler Than You: The Tragically Hip

Hot damned Reykjavík is cool. Coolest place on earth, always has been, always will be. Cooler than whatever town you are from, even if you’re from Reykjavík.

And if you think you can come here, slip’n’slide your way into the hip crowd. Well that’s just not possible. These kids are hipper than a year’s worth of surgery in a specialist hip replacement ward.

Or that was the case. Until now, until my sure fire 12-step guide to being hip in hipsville.

1. Find your own style.

First and most important. You gotta make your mark in zero seconds flat, from across the room, across the street. Across the town. Every hip kid has his or her own style. Fortunately it’s easy to find your own, just remember this mantra: I want to be an individual, like all the other individuals. Look around, copy, steal.

2. Drink coffee.

This is your daytime activity. From the moment you wake (no earlier than 1 pm) till the kids go home, you are going to subsist in 101 coffee-shops. Latte, espresso, black or with milk, doesn’t matter what you like, that’s not the point. Drink whatever everyone else drinks, just be seen doing it. Books, pen and paper are for hippies, PC’s for losers, make sure to have a Mac in front of you at all times.

3. Drink. At bars, a lot.

This is how you spend the night. Every night.

Weeknights: Drink beer, the watery stuff from the tap. Weekends: Beer and sugary shots. 1 for 1. Spend all your time at the bar, sit on it for extra marks. Never ever try to dance, no one is impressed. By anything. Ever.

4. Eat out.

Always eat out. Time spent at home is time not seen—ergo time wasted. It doesn’t matter if the food is bad. Taste and the hip go together like toothpaste and orange juice.

5. Be seen, be heard. Ad nauseam.

This is a war of attrition people. The hip of the town are the most seen—in the most places, with the most people. If people aren’t sick of the sight of you, then you aren’t working hard enough.

6. Act like you own the place.

You’ve wheedled your way into the communal hip consciousness, now you gotta get the act down. No problem, just remember this one word. Obnoxious: You’re hip, it’s your right, it’s your duty. What’s the word: obnoxious!

7. Talk about projects you are working on.

Incessantly. At any given opportunity. No one was ever hip just for being hip. You need to be seen to be doing something, and people need to know about it. Something creative, exciting, energetic. Something hip.

8. Never ever work on your projects.

Of course no one who was hip never actually did anything, apart from being hip. This isn’t a contradiction, it’s a paradox. A hip paradox.

9. Tell everyone you love them when you are face-to-face.

Diplomacy is all important in a city as small as Reykjavík. Like any good politician, learn to press the flesh.

10. Criticize everyone behind their backs.

As soon as the schmoes turn their back, get ready to drag their name through the dirt.

11. Never express an opinion that might come back on you.

Diplomacy is a balancing act—with no net. Get it wrong and a fall’s coming.

Remember this: your opinion is worth nothing. The only opinion that is, is the opinion of the Greater Hip. If you have to stand up for your words, then they’re the wrong words. He who stands alone, falls alone. Mean what you say, never say what you mean.

12. Take a day off every now and then.

Mystery is good. It gives the impression that you have more important matters. Of course you don’t, but who’s to know?

This is the perfect time to look up those YouTube clips to screen in coffee-shops, and to dream up hilarious(ly hip) updates for Facebook and Twitter. If you aren’t big on the net, you aren’t big on the streets. Just don’t get too big—500 friends maximum.

So, there you go, that’s it. Follow these 12 steps and you too can be obnoxious, arrogant, ubiquitous, irrelevant.

Though when you put it like that, it just doesn’t sound quite so… What’s the word?

Hip.

The video on the bottom was released about two weeks ago, but the top one is brand-spanking new. Enjoy!

The book isn’t out until September 15th, so click here to pre-order.

In honor of today’s publication of TWITTER WIT: Brilliance in 140 Characters or Less edited by Nick Douglas, we’re excited to announce a video contest offering you a chance to win an iPod touch. It’s pretty darn simple, actually, and a lot of fun (unless you really hate making short videos; in that case it’ll be a nightmare). You just go here, pick your favorite tweet, make a short video, send it to us, and wait on pins and needles. In the meantime, since your video is definitely the best one, we’d suggest making a list of all the great music and apps and videos you’re going to add to the shuffle once you win it.  Oh, and you’ll want to browse inside TWITTER WIT too. And buy it.

www.Twitter.com/God

It's no coincidence Brown rhymes with Clown. Image courtesy of Joel Telling

I was tipped off to this seriously funny wedding video yesterday by MTV Buzzworthy Blog. It’s since become an internet sensation, and I wouldn’t be surprised if a Bravo TV reality show is already in the works.  I certainly share Buzzworthy’s conflicted feelings towards promoting anything with über-sketchy Chris Brown’s vocals attached, but in this case I say: hate the artist (Brown) and love the art (a bunch of really awkward dancers creating a memorable wedding moment).