“If You Ever Get Lonely, Just Go To The Record Store And Visit Your Friends”
“Paging Dr. Luke…”
I’ve lived in Los Angeles for more than a year and I still don’t have a doctor. Okay, technically, that’s not entirely true. I have a dentist who I’ve already seen twice. (Mostly because he shows movies while you sit in the chair and get your teeth cleaned. Last time I watched Slumdog Millionaire. Sometimes I really do love L.A.) However, when it comes to a normal doctor, I’ve come up with bupkiss. This is something that my mom brings up nearly every time we talk on the phone. Our conversations typically go something like this…
Me: “Hey Mom.”
Mom: “Hi sweetheart. How are you?”
Me: “I’m aight. You?”
Mom: “Good. Have you found an internist yet?”
Seriously, it’s that bad. The last time I spoke to her and, of course, she asked me about settling on a physician, I thought about telling her that I found a doctor I’m really stoked on: Dr. Luke. Here’s the one glitch… Dr. Luke isn’t a real doctor. He’s actually a super-producer who’s responsible for some of the decade’s best pop music. He got his start playing guitar in the Saturday Night Live band in 1997 but it wasn’t until he hooked up with fellow uber-producer Max Martin to write and record tracks for Avril Lavigne (“Girlfriend”), Pink (“Who Knew?”) and Katy Perry (“I Kissed A Girl”), that he became a star in his own right.
Dr. Luke-produced songs play in my head on a daily basis so I thought I’d pick the top three tunes I find myself humming when I’m shopping for groceries… or buying stamps at the post office… or picking up my dry cleaning. In other words, the following songs by Kelly Clarkson, Miley Cyrus and Ke$ha always cause random bouts of singing from this lil’ lady. My apologies to anyone within earshot.
KELLY CLARKSON’s “Since U Been Gone”
A million years ago, in another life, I used to DJ. I spun at concerts, while bands did that whole set-change thing, but mostly I got my cred from spinning at MisShapes in NYC. The nights that I worked in that cramped lil’ DJ booth were probably the most glamorous nights of my life—and it’s all been downhill from there! (Just kidding. Sorta.) Anyways, if there’s one thing I can boast about from my tenure on the wheels of steel, it’s that I was the first person to play “Since U Been Gone” at this weekly hipster haven. When I put it on, the dance floor paused; the song was still really new and this was not exactly the kind of audience that watched American Idol on the regular. However, within about 20 seconds, the floor beneath my feet started thumping because people were jumping up and down, dancing like their lives depended on it.
I remember Greg K., one of the hosts coming up to me, grabbing both of my shoulders and saying, “What. Is. This. Song.” I replied, “Kelly Clarkson’s new jam. It’s amazing, right?” He just grinned and started shaking me. I took that as a “yes.” Needless to say, from that point on, “Since U Been Gone” was a staple on any MisShapes playlist.
“Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson
MILEY CYRUS’ “Party In The U.S.A.”
Almost out of the blue, Miley Cyrus released this page-out-of-diary track in the summer of 2009 and I immediately logged it as one of my favorite tunes to scream, er, sing at the top of my lungs while driving through the streets of Los Angeles. (Did I feel guilty? You wish!) Sure, The Artist Formerly Known As Hannah Montana admitted to never hearing a Jay-Z joint before cutting the song (gasp!) and she thought it was somehow appropriate to pole dance while performing the song at the Teen Choice Awards, but not even those snafus can distract me from this song’s brilliance. It’s just that good. If Dr. Luke knows how to do anything, it’s pen infectiously-catchy-yet-lyrically-simple ditties that are accessible to everyone, regardless of age, sex or musical preference. If you ask me, that’s the sign of a true songwriting genius. As my beloved Barry Manilow would say, he writes the songs that make the whole world sing.
And apropos of nothing, how amazing is the picture below?
KE$HA’s “TiK ToK”
Ever since I heard “TiK ToK,” I was smitten—and, apparently, so was the rest of the music-downloading public. Her Dr. Luke-produced debut album Animal hit #1 on the Billboard charts the week after its release—sorry, Susan Boyle!—and she even knocked Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” out of the number-one spot on Billboard’s Hot 100 singles chart. Take that, Stefani Germanotta! (That’s Gaga’s real name, for those of you non-monsters out there.) I realize I might get pelted with a onslaught of hairbows for saying this, but I think Ke$ha could definitely kick Lady Gaga’s silicone-clad tush, if push came to shove. Sure, Gagaloo could use some—if not all—of her accessories as a weapon, but Ke$ha looks like she’d tear out your extensions, punch you in the neck and then spit in your face. In other words, homegirl doesn’t fight fair—and I love her for it.
Wanna read more of my musings? Hoof it over to http://www.leslie-simon.com. Plus, if you’re not following me (@redpatterndress) on Twitter, what are you waiting for? Don’t make me sick Ke$ha on your collective asses!
All Points Wet
It was a rainy, soggy, muddy mess and yes, I spent most of the day wearing a black garbage bag with my head poked out of the top, but ALL POINTS WEST rocked thanks to bands Vampire Weekend and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
All Points West was held in the gorgeous (and wet) New Jersey’s Liberty State Park overlooking the Manhattan skyline and Statue of Liberty. It’s an amazing feeling to be holding a plastic cup of Bud Light and listening to your fav band with Lady Liberty looking over your shoulder.
The day’s surprise: The National played the main stage early in the day, and the indie rockers stopped me in my tracks on the way to the beer tent (which is no small feat)! I predict good things from them in the future.
Though Vampire Weekend was the first band to break the spell of the rain and get crowds rowdy! They were lively and upbeat, singing crowd favs like “Mansard Roof” and “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa.”
As the mud turned into a giant, sloshy mosh pit, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs took the stage, bringing with them a giant inflatable eye ball for the crowd to bat around during their set. And Karen O is nothing if not a showman! She was all over the stage, wearing a crazy head covering, and deep throating her signature pink mic while gyrating to songs like “Date with the Night” and “Y Control.”
And then I witnessed festival history. Jay-Z made his festival debut, filling in for the Beastie Boys. He started with a cover of the Beastie Boys’ classic “No Sleep Till Brooklyn” which rocked! I never thought I’d say that about Jay-Z… I was covered in mud and out of money for beer. I certainly had 99 problems, but Jay-Z wasn’t one.
