Tattoos. Sometimes Forever Is Too Long
If you’re like me, you are a reluctant sports fan unless it’s tennis. (I believe all sports should be able to be watched live while eating sushi and drinking high-end vodka, hence my eternal love for the US Open, but I digress.) So it was with great trepidation that I got suckered into watch a NBA playoff game. But between me zoning out and eating a delicious, creamy white bean dip, a revelation happened. Basketball is really enjoyable to watch if you stop focusing on the game and instead start noticing THE GOD AWFUL, RIDICULOUS, LAME TATTOOS the players are sporting. My eyes, they bleedth.
This dropped me down a rabbit’s hole of tattoo Google searches. Sadly, basketball players, while notorious, are not alone with their terrible, celebrity ink. There several categories of awful. Let’s go on a journey together.
First up, THE MUSICIAN.We get it, you’re a rocker. That doesn’t mean you need to have cliche tattoos but it seems like a prerequisite. My suggestion: play music, don’t put a crucified Jesus on your back. After much research, the winner, however, was clear…Fred Durst, front man for Nu Metal band Limp Bizkit. Somehow I don’t think Kurt Cobain and Elvis want to hang out together…on Fred’s chest.
Runner up, boy band friendly Nick Lachey. If Zack Morris had a tattoo, this capri sun surely would have been it. 
Next category, THE HOOCH. These tattoos are meant to be titillating and are usually located in coy places near the breast, back of the neck, ankle or the lower back (affectionately known as the tramp stamp). The competition was fierce but in a tight race…Mena Suvari wins! Oh, honey. Lions and words of wisdom do not belong on the nap of your neck. Obviously, Mena had a very profound trip to the zoo. Next time I suggest a long journal entry. 
Runner up, Eve with her paw prints. Part of me sort of likes the sexah-ness of the look but mostly it looks like she’s got some schmutz on her front parts and I want her to wash it off.
Next category, CELEBRITY CHEFS. This one was a doozy–too many to choose a winner. It seemed too easy to select a food-themed tattoo (there’s a lot of pork/white meat references out there) but then I stumbled upon Hell’s Kitchen contestant Tommy Stevens’ forehead and the decision was made for me. Straight from the artist’s needle to your plate.
And the final category of awful, BASKETBALL STARS. There are no words and so, I leave you with pictures.
Ashley Fiolek is kicking up dirt
“Ashley Fiolek’s incredible story perfectly embodies the adage ‘the only thing that deaf people can’t do is hear.’ Fiolek is an inspiration to anyone who has a barrier to overcome. My hands are waving in the air, and I’m screaming for her; this book should not be missed.” —Marlee Matlin
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At nineteen, Ashley Fiolek is already the top female competitor in a tough men’s sport: motocross, a form of off-road motorcycle racing that is one of the most competitive and dangerous extreme sports in the world. Since going pro in late 2007, Fiolek has taken gold at the X Games, won the American Women’s Motocross Championship twice, and become the first woman in American motocross history to be signed to a factory team—the highest echelon of industry backing.
But Fiolek’s rise has not come without obstacles. Fiolek was born profoundly deaf, a handicap that makes everyday life difficult—and competition on the track downright dangerous. Originally misdiagnosed as “mildly retarded,” she was a painfully shy and introverted child—until her parents introduced her to the world of dirt bikes, which helped her escape the silence in her head and connect with others who shared her passion. She began racing at seven, and as her successes grew through hard work and no small number of broken bones, so did her confidence.
Fiolek has never believed her disability should stand in the way of her dreams. Nor has she allowed her gender to limit her career—motocross historically has been a men’s sport, but with the love and support of her dirt-obsessed family, including her “Grandpa Motorcycle,” her little brother, Kicker, and her dogs, Turbo and Rocco, Ashley has emerged as one of the sport’s most talked-about stars, changing the way the entire industry views women. Armed with her extraordinary talent, contagious grin, and deep faith in God, Fiolek continues to venture into unknown territory, relentlessly pushing herself—and women’s motocross—to ever-greater heights.
Kicking Up Dirt is a remarkable, inspiring tale of a young woman’s courage and determination to succeed in the face of truly challenging obstacles.
Read an excerpt from Kicking Up Dirt, follow Ashley Fiolek on Twitter, become a fan on Facebook, and enter for a chance to win over $1400 in motocross prizes.
Your It List interviews an autograph-collecting legend
If you’re a 21st century sports fan, you’re probably also a jaded individual. It’s no exaggeration that more ink, or pixels, are devoted to covering the latest drug, DUI and weapon’s possession scandals than pitch counts and interceptions. So when I ran across a charming profile of Jack Smalling in the New York Times, it brought me back to my days as an avid sports card collector and autograph seeker who would travel anywhere in the state to track down an elusive John Hancock. Jack has published 15 editions of his Baseball and Autograph Collector’s Handbook, which includes a painstakingly-compiled list of over 8,000 current and former Major League player, coach and umpire home addresses. An impressive feat, especially considering his endeavors pre-dated the internet. Smalling was gracious enough to answer a few questions about his pursuit—Starbucks and dwarf pinch-hitters play a part—exclusively for Your It List.
You’ve published 15 editions of The Baseball Autograph Collector’s Handbook, and recently the New York Times came calling to write a profile on you. How are you handling your newfound fame?
Fame? That and $1.50 get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks.
It’s ironic that someone who’s been collecting professional baseball
players’ autographs for over 50 years lives in Iowa, a state without a Major League team. Who do you root for?
Dodgers, Indians and Cubs. Dodgers I remember the 1949 World Series; Indians Bob Feller and the 1948 World series; Cubs my father took me to my first major league game at Wrigley Field in 1950. We caught the 6:00 a.m. CB & Q train at Burlington, Iowa and were back that night. Also, the Cubs had a farm club in the Western League in 1948, the Des Moines Bruins.
The advent of the internet must have made your task much easier. How were you able to track down so many player residences before the web?
Phone Books, Street & Smith Guides, Baseball Blue Book, Year & Note Book, Team Press Guides and Yearbooks.
Have you ever procured an autograph in person, or are you exclusively a through-the-mail type of guy?
Primarily through the mail and buying collections. Only a few in person.
Are you purely a baseball man, or do you ever branch out to other sports or authors or actors?
Just baseball.
In your 57 years of autograph collecting, what’s your most cherished “get”?
Eddie Gaedel and Cap Anson autographs.
What makes those two stand out? Were they particularly hard to procure?
Eddie Gaedel is the midget who went to bat for Bill Veck in 1951. Cap Anson is a Hall of Famer from Marshalltown, Iowa who first played in 1871.
Even though autograph collecting would seem to belong to a simpler time, there’s still a strong pull to have your hero’s signature. Why do you think that yearning has endured?
Baseball has a longer history than any of the major sports. Fan worshipping continues to this day.
With that in mind, do you think that the commercialization of baseball, the steroid scandals, and other factors that have changed the game will ever diminish the fan/player relationship? Or will fans continue to see the best in players under any circumstance?
Fans will still pick their favorites. Players who break the rules will find their popularity fading.
