Flashback Wednesday: Possibly the Worst Movie ever made…The Wicker Man
It’s the second edition of Flashback Wednesday. This time we’re flashing back to 2006. I know, I know, six years ago is a brief flashback but believe me it’s worth it. We’re diving into The Wicker Man, starring the one and—thankfully—only, Nicolas Cage. This is perhaps my favorite, agonizingly terrible movie ever made. Ever.
Let’s get caught up for those of you who haven’t been initiated. Nic Cage’s character, a sheriff, goes searching for a lost girl who lives with a local group of neo-pagans residing off the cost of Washington state. (Do you know how fun it is to type “neo-pagans”? Answer: exceedingly.) The neo-pagan’s economy is based around honey and they’re having a slow production year. (Let’s not overlook the fact that THEY HAVE AN ECONOMY BASED AROUND HONEY.) Since honey production is down, the neo-pagans are getting cranky. Like any good neo-pagan culture, they have a bunch of weird rituals that seem foreign to the earnest and befuddled sheriff. Add amazing homespun costumes, burning people alive, and character names like “Sister Summersisle” and you’ve got a film that’s worth flashing back for.
If you’re not convinced, you’re about to become obsessed. If you do one thing this week, you must watch this video—a montage of the best scenes from The Wicker Man. Get ready to become a believer (aka a diehard neo-pagan).
Highlights for your snickering pleasure:
0:07 seconds – In a land where bikes are scarce, sometimes you need to take your transportation into your own hands.
0:18 seconds – I particularly like how Nic is trolling around this cult group, on a barely inhabited island, in a suit. Here he’s a dandy on a bike and I respect that.
0:27 seconds – Ah, the age old question, how did it get burned? I’m a big, big fan of repeating a question ad nauseum.
0:36 seconds – Surprise!
0:43 seconds – Nic gets to do what we all want to–kick a teenager in the chest.
1:05 seconds – Best cinematic reveal since Psycho. And it looks so real–the kind of real that you only get with neo-pagans.
1:10 seconds – Watching Nic Cage whisper from within a thatch of bear hide made me feel like a true woman in a way that I haven’t in years. I’m just saying.
1:22 seconds –The coward in me always responds to a sucker punch. Go Nicholas Cage!
1:40 seconds – Sometimes I wish I could be a screen writer but I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to come up with dialogue as good as, “killing me won’t bring back your god damn honey.” I’m giving up before I start.
1:52 seconds – Looking back, I’m surprised that beards made entirely of honeybees didn’t become all the rage in 2006. Nic looks so rugged and stingy.
And fin.
I’ve actually never met someone who watched this film from start to finish. I’ll confess that I skipped whole sections because I was feeling too much. Anyone out there watch it? Is it worth a Netflix rental? Or should we just stick with the montage?
Sincerely, your neo-pagan sister goddess
Talking Animals
You may not know Andrew Grantham’s name, but you most likely know his voice. As creator of all the creatures on the Talking Animals YouTube Channel, Graham has been YouTube’s self-reining voice-over king for four years. His most recent video—“Ultimate Dog Tease”—has sparked watercooler chatter around the world, racking up 44,414,656 hits and counting. Perhaps as funny, if not more so, are his “Talking Beaver on the Highway” and “Cat Playing I Spy” videos. Being an aficionado of anything anthropomorphic, here’s a round up of some of my favorite viral talking animals:
Ultimate Dog Tease: The maple kind?
Talking Beaver on the Highway: Welcome to Canada!
Cat Playing I Spy: The rug!
Internet phenomenon Mishka, the talking Husky:
Odie, the talking pug, who’s made repeat appearances on The Late Show with David Letterman:
The “Oh Long Johnson” cat, videotaped saying an array of strange phrases, much like my Aunt Dot after three glasses of Manischewitz on Passover:
And then there’s Tiggy, the English sensation, who bemoans how alone she is. Aren’t we all, dear Tiggy?
I’ve heard there’s also Hoover, the talking harbor seal; Gef, the talking mongoose; and Batyr, the talking elephant. Internet stars Maru and Boo have it figured out.
Why do all that talking, when you can do what dogs and cats do best: look cute.
More Potter?
Since 1997, when thousands became enchanted on a search for a Sorcerer’s Stone, to 2010, when millions followed the beginning of an adventure throughout the wizard world to find hidden horcruxes, Harry Potter has been a billion dollar hit for author J.K. Rowling. The adventure finally concludes, with the second half of The Deathly Hallows, on June 15th… or so we thought.
A few weeks ago, Rowling posted a video on Youtube, a website called pottermore.com, as well as a twitter account for the new mysterious site. They all had owls standing on a sign that read ‘coming soon…’ and fans waited for her to release the mystery project that she has been working on.
I grew up with Harry Potter and to me, this was the end of an era. Between reading the books in a day when they were first released, to being so excited to be “old enough” in my mom’s eyes to go to the midnight release of the 4th book, and secretly wishing for my own letter from Hogwarts, I grew up with Harry, Herminone, and Ron, much like many people my age did. This final movie was known to be the end of it for all of us… until “Pottermore” appeared and left questions of what Rowling was planning.
Today, ‘soon’ arrived and J.K. Rowling revealed the project through a video on Youtube. Pottermore.com, opening to fans in October, is a virtual world of Harry Potter. Those interested can create their own character, get a wand, and be placed in a House at Hogwarts, something people have longed to be able to do for 14 years now. Rowling has written new material not included in the books for the site about characters and locations well known to fans of the Potter series. In addition, she will be releasing the seven books in the e-book format, only on her website, for the first time.
While I have been a fan of the series for most of my life, I’m not going to be running to sign up to play in a virtual Harry Potter world. However, I am glad that she is releasing this site as a way for more children to become as involved in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter as I have! 
Golden-voiced Ted Williams is having a kickass year indeed
I sure do love a nice redemption story! What a great way to kick in the new year for Ted Williams. Who would think that someone can go from homeless panhandler, to an internet sansation receiving national and international attention, to now living his dreams of working in broadcasting in just a matter of days. How great is the internet people!?
We at !t books wish Ted the best of luck on what looks to be a bright new career in the media.
Chris Brown: An agent for good?
It's no coincidence Brown rhymes with Clown. Image courtesy of Joel Telling
I was tipped off to this seriously funny wedding video yesterday by MTV Buzzworthy Blog. It’s since become an internet sensation, and I wouldn’t be surprised if a Bravo TV reality show is already in the works. I certainly share Buzzworthy’s conflicted feelings towards promoting anything with über-sketchy Chris Brown’s vocals attached, but in this case I say: hate the artist (Brown) and love the art (a bunch of really awkward dancers creating a memorable wedding moment).
